Well-Being/Inner Space: My Sobriety Story, Tips for Going AF + FAQ with Resources
If you've been looking for a sign to quit alcohol, this is it.
I’d thought about quitting alcohol for years. I’d take long breaks, weeks and months, where I wouldn’t drink at all. But somehow I’d always find my way back to consuming alcohol in some capacity. I was never an everyday drinker or a need-a-glass-of-wine-at-the-end-of-the-day kind-of-girl, but when I drank, I could drink. Often times a dinner with friends would entail a bottle of wine over the course of the night or 4/5 cocktails. Alcohol was fun. It was part of my social identity. Most people who know me knew my favorite drink was a mezcal Negroni. My alcohol consumption definitely increased in 2019 when I was in the beginning stages of my divorce and then in early 2020 with the pandemic and a(n accidental) move to Mexico. I found myself using alcohol more as a coping mechanism for life’s challenges and also as a social lubricant as I navigated being single in a new city where I barely spoke the language.
As I’ve gotten older, my physical body has had a harder time processing alcohol. I know people don’t like to hear this, but alcohol is poison. Literally. It’s one of the worst things you can put it your body. It has negative effects on your brain, your blood sugar, your liver, your skin, your heart, really your whole body. Even if I was only limiting myself to 1-2 glasses of wine a night, I would wake up the next day feeling less rested, more inflamed and just generally off. The sleep disturbances were the worst. If I went out at night, no matter what time I came home, I would still wake up at my normal 7am ish time. So on top of getting less deep sleep from the alcohol, I was also just sleeping less. I’ve always struggled with anxiety, with certain periods of my life bringing extreme anxiety and panic attacks. Alcohol just added a thick layer onto an already complex problem. Navigating anxiety is hard enough as it is. Alcohol only makes it harder. I found alcohol was causing me to think irrationally and act out emotionally. I would pick fights with my boyfriend at the end of a night out with friends over stupid things that really had no consequence to our lives.
I remember before I stopped drinking when someone would talk about sobriety or talk about quitting alcohol, I would get defensive and uncomfortable with the conversation. I didn't want to go there. I wasn't curious enough or open enough to talk about it. I was never an alcoholic, but how do we even define a drinking problem? It’s a very personal question. Some people are ‘fine’ to have a couple glasses of wine everyday and see/feel no problem with it. I think the question we really need to be asking ourselves is, ‘how does alcohol positively effect my life? If I were to make a list of the positive and negative effects of alcohol on my life, would the positives outweigh the negatives?” It was when I really stopped to ask myself that question that I realized how negatively alcohol was impacting my life.
After years (literally) of thinking about how I wanted to quit alcohol but feeling like it would be impossible, I decided that I would do dry January at the start of 2022 and quietly thought to myself that maybe this would be the start of a dry life. I didn’t want to make any big announcements right away. I wanted to see how I felt. Take it day by day. But after a month of sobriety, I wanted more. And it sort of just kept going on like that. I consider myself a pretty strong willed and determined person, so once I set my mind to something, I am usually really good at sticking with it. I found this to be true with alcohol. All the big occasions, weddings, birthday parties, holidays, arose where I would normally drink, but I just met them head on and though uncomfortable at times, I experienced them completely clear minded and free from the muddiness of alcohol. I found that I actually liked social situations, holidays and weddings better sober. I was able to show up as myself 100% of the time. I was present with the people around me. I remembered everything the next day.
It wasn’t all easy though. 2022 was one of the loneliest years of my life. The romantic aspects of living in a foreign country had worn off and I was faced with hard questions about who I was in this place I chose to live and what I wanted to create for myself. Not drinking can alienate you a bit.