What's In My [Broken] Heart

Taking a break from regularly scheduled content

Oct 11, 2023

Hi there,

I’m not sending out my usual newsletter of content this week because honestly the world feels way too heavy to care about producing weekly recipe/travel/etc. content. I’m taking a break from that this week and sharing what is in my [broken] heart.

My heart is broken for the people of Israel with Hamas’ recent attacks on innocent civilians. As is it broken for the people of Palestine who have endured violence and suffering for far too long at the hands of the Israeli military. It’s been devastating to watch over the years and now. Really there are no words for how tremendously gutting it is that innocent people are being hurt and killed at an absolutely alarming rate. Yesterday I cried for hours and hours because it’s just too much suffering and death.

I have always been drawn to social justice issues and fighting for what is right and what is just in our world. I am a highly sensitive person and an empath, and I find myself deeply affected by issues of injustice. Especially during heightened times of conflict or uprising, I tend to immerse myself in the learning and conversation, as it feels important for me to try to understand and to expand my perspective and knowledge. Sometimes to a fault. Over the past several days, I have done nothing but think, talk and read/watch/listen about this conflict. It’s been consuming me to the point where I noticed yesterday I hadn’t eaten all day and that I had a raging headache. I recognized that I needed to pull myself out of it and take a break from social media. I encourage you to do the same if you’ve noticed this too. Today I am still having conversations and reading articles and listening to podcasts, but it feels more intentional and manageable than the constant flow of social media, which we don’t always have control over when and what we see.

I feel particularly drawn to the situation in Israel and Palestine because of my two best friends. The two people I feel closest to in my life right now. One of them a Jew in New York, and the other a Palestinian here in Mexico City. These are two people I love with all my heart and truly mean so much to me. I am trying my hardest to navigate this situation in where I can be an ally to both of them, to support and love both of them. I want both of them to know that I have their backs 100% and that I understand where they are coming from, that I see and hear their pain and their struggle. And what I’ve heard from both of them is that they both are in pain and feel alone. They feel haunted by the silence of those they care about and love who have not spoken up or reached out to them. My Jewish friend wants her friends to acknowledge the violent and unnecessary loss of Jewish life and to understand that this is a really scary time for Jewish people. My Palestinian friend feels a lot of pain seeing people speak up and state they stand with Israel while she has watched her people suffer for decades without anyone ever saying anything. Both of them are 100% valid and right in feeling the way that they do. I emphasize with both of them deeply.

There are many similarities in the perspectives of my two best friends, but there are also many, many differences. As humans we have a whole lifetime and past generations of trauma and history to take into account in how we perceive and experience life. I think people are struggling to understand each other because in this situation (as in many situations) many things can be true at the same time. There is no ultimate truth here because it depends on who you are and how and in which way you are looking at it. As I’ve told my two friends, I am genuinely interested in learning and trying to understand what is going on here from as many angles as I can. I appreciate them both in trying to help me learn and also allowing me grace as I go. As I’ve learned from doing years of anti-racism work, you will stumble, fuck up and say the wrong thing. No one is perfect. The important part is that you care and that you want to learn and that you dedicate yourself to the work.

The first time I remember learning and talking about this conflict, like really learning about it in any sort of substantial way, was in 2005 when I was in a longterm relationship with a Jewish man. After we broke up a couple years later, it wasn’t something that I really talked about all that much. Over the years, it has definitely been something I’ve had conversations about and read and listened to things about, at some points more than others. This year it’s come up in conversation more than in recent years because of the increasingly right-wing Israeli government and also spending more time with my Palestinian friend here in Mexico City.

As the conflict erupted again with Hamas’ attack on Israel this past weekend, I’ve rededicated myself to learning. I’m doing my best to seek out Jewish and Palestinian voices. To try to listen to different perspectives and educate myself in the broadest way that I possibly can. At this point I will say that I do not trust the western media to tell this story. I am encouraging friends and people I know to really do their research, to read from a wide scope of sources, to listen to a wide range of voices. You cannot just pick up the NY Times and expect to understand what is going on here. I encourage you to challenge yourself and your biases. Try to think about and understand what’s going on from as many perspectives as you can.

My ultimate wish is real peace and collective liberation. I am praying and meditating on that daily. I want each of us to remember our humanness. To see that I am you and you are me. We are all connected. There is no way around that. No one is free if not every single one of us is free. All of us will continue to suffer if just one of us is suffering. Every person living on this planet deserves safety and freedom from violence. Freedom to worship the God of their choosing, or no God at all. Despite our political beliefs, we must find empathy and understanding for our fellow humans. If we are not able to do this, we all lose.

Take care of yourself in these heavy times, take care of each other. Check in on your Jewish friends. Check in on your Palestinian friends. You don’t have to know what to say or to say the perfect thing. Just saying you love them and that you care is enough.

I love you.

Ali